Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
