Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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