so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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