Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
