90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
