Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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