it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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