I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
