Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
