I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
