he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
