this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
