I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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