so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
