Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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