Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
