I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
