whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
