Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
