I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Damn victory sex feels great
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
