me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
