i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
