TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
