my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
