I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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