Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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