how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
