found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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