I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize