best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize