I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
