You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
