Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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