Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize