the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
