I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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