So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
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I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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