I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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