If i come over, it means nothing
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I could fuck to npr.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
