There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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