Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
