so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
