Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
