my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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