So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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