True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
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I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
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Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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