Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
