i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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