You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
