I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
