Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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