'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
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sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
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I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm too high and old for this...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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