I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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