i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
