you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
