I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
