Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
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