Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
