Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
