My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
