Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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