Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
worst night to have a conscience
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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