just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
