i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
