I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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