your room smells of hookers.
And success
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
