You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
