We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
