She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
