Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
