I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
