I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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