going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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