i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
